Damaged Goods

Ok, it's been a really long time since I've updated this blog, and it's more than time to do it.  Over the last few months, I've really honed in on something major, and I think I've really hit on a breakthrough. At least to me, though everyone else may look at it as a "duh" moment.

I have, for a very long time, considered that most of the human race is damaged or has been broken in some way.  And I always thought of it as a very sad reality, as well.  Just seeing so much potential within each individual, yet never seeing that potential realized because of all of the hurt and mistrust that we always end up having for one another.

Within the queer community, this reality is even more realized, and then again even more so within the bear community.  We have all been given messages from outside of us that we are not of value, and we all have been broken or damaged in some way.

What I've found is that we often then close ourselves off to the rest of the world, the rest of the community, and often end up having in-fighting, drama, and bitterness continue to drive further wedges between us within the community.

I'm no different, and I have come to recognize a lot of the ways that I've hurt other people and put them on the defensive by doing things that were meant to simply protect myself, or to cover, hide, or detract from my own pain.  But I've come to the realization that I'm only multiplying the hurt, rather than reducing it.  In this case, it is NOT better to share, but to let the hurt end with you.

So here's my commitment, from here on out.  I'm no longer going to allow my hurt to dictate my behavior.  I'm not going to take out my hurt, disappointment, or insecurity on anybody else outside of me.  And most of all, I'm not going to pass on the insecurity or isolation that I have felt to others.  The hurt stops here.  I've been hurt before, and I've survived, so I can survive it again.  People have lashed out at me due to their insecurities, and I've made it through, so I can again.  But this time around, I'm not going to keep myself at a distance from the rest of the world to insulate myself, I'm going to engage.  And I'm not going to take my setbacks as proof that the world can't be trusted.  Instead, I'm going to take my lumps and keep on going, proving to the world that I'll still be here to take what they've got to give, and that I'm not going anywhere.

And my hope is, maybe others can follow along and do the same.  We're all in the same boat in that sense. We've all been hurt, taken for granted or taken advantage of, and we've all responded in kind.  Let's remember that even the biggest jerk out there is acting, at base, from a place of hurt.  And I'll commit myself today to be the first one to recognize that, and instead of firing back, turn around, see the hurt that their cruelty is coming from, and tell them that I understand, and that it's ok.

Maybe, if I'm able to continue to live up to this, then we can make some progress to TRULY create some change in this world...