Just as Fyrste began the act of Creation, and Nasci continued it, Scieppend had been the third to act. I've already stated that Scieppend was relatively unimpressed with the initial act of Creation performed by Fyrste. However, somehow Nasci's impact upon that act was what gave Scieppend her own inspiration for the creation of life itself.
Also already discussed was how several of the various gods acted out in Creation to try to destroy it, which caused Nasci to become the adopted mother of the creatures of the natural world. However, what has NOT yet been discussed, is why Nasci should be considered to be an adoptive mother over even the plants within the world, when Scieppend was clearly not intending their existence to be any sort of attack upon what had already been created.
After all, the beasts were never intended to have any beauty or good associated with them, so for Nasci to find beauty and harmony in their existence and take them unto her own seems reasonable. But surely, Scieppend, who is the third and final god of the prime Creators, would have maintained domain over her own initial creations, wouldn't she?
This was not actually the case. Like a great many of the gods, Scieppend became disillusioned with her own Creation shortly after it was made. This is, in fact, part of the entirety of what the conflict between good and evil has been made about, after all. The gods of evil believe that Creation was an utter failure, and should be scrapped in favor of the option of trying to start over again, this time getting the job done better. The gods of good, in the meantime, defend Creation as a benefit and a boon in some way.
While Nasci clearly bore the gift of seeing beauty and harmony in everything that she saw was Created by others, Scieppend's visions have always been more fleeting. For Scieppend, the initial act of Creation was a bore. It was formless and monotonous. The second act, however, brought interest and possibility to Creation. And while life itself was a complex and wondrous thing, Scieppend felt that the Creation of the evil gods following her own Creation was thus simultaneously proven to be uninspired and fallible. She therefore lost interest in them almost right away.
The gifts and continuous interventions of Nasci later provided little comfort for Scieppend, for she believed that her interventions were making imperfect things better, but yet still imperfect. And yet, Scieppend shared a bit of the sense of Malitia that it all could have been done better, and more perfectly.
What beliefs about Creation that Scieppend maintains apart from Malitia is a sense that, however flawed Creation itself may be, it still maintains a certain right to its own imperfection. And that the dissonance and imperfections inherent within Creation are in their own way somewhat beautiful.
What therefore began to draw Scieppend's attention, and that which continues to keep Scieppend continuously drawn into investment within Creation, were art and culture. Once sentient life began to move upon the world, its culture and its artistic perspective on the world instantly intrigued Scieppend. And thus was she inspired to create her own mortal race, the Artere.
The Artere are a race of beauty. They are a race of boundless creativity, culture, ingenuity, and invention. Some Artere are jacks of all trades in manners of expounding upon their creative endeavors. Others focus upon a singular form of artistic expression, and pursue it to utter perfection. The magic of the Artere is found within inspiration. Verse, prose, sculpture, and movement. These are the invocations to unlock the infinite mysteries of magical power for the Artere.
The Artere are the creators of the most wondrous and beautiful cities that the world has ever seen. The Artere, however, have also seen more of these cities laid to ruin and waste due to a lack of drive to defend and protect their own creations. Just like art and inspiration themselves are fleeting, with only hints and remnants of the initial inspiration echoing through time following their creation, thus are many of the histories of the Artere's most wondrous cultural creations.
It is just as Scieppend revels in each individual act of inspiration and creation, but then as quickly becomes bored of it and finds interest in another, fresher scene of inspiration that the Artere seem to be lost within their own boundless, and yet seemingly pointless, acts of creation.
While the Bergan are militant defenders of Creation against those forces that would threaten it, and the Changelings are fierce defenders of Nature, the Artere, being so bound to only follow the most fleeting glimpses of inspiration, do little to follow up to preserve and protect their own creations, or even themselves. Certainly, there are some Artere who follow the art of War, or who take up the sport of fencing, or the art of the melee, and these individual Artere are as much a terror to their foes as they are a wonder to witness on the battlefield, they are but that. Individuals. Artists. They lack the organization of the Bergan to maintain discipline and structure within military endeavors. And they also lack the force of individual conviction that the Changelings maintain to be able to ensure that their acts in lesser numbers matter for nearly enough.
Thus has Scieppend become the goddess of art, culture, and inspiration. She is a goddess of whimsy and beauty, but lacking in motivation or conviction. Her people are responsible for the most wondrous creations in existence, and yet they find themselves and their creations continually falling short on expectation, and declining into ruin. Often, quite literally. One frustrated Bergan scholar once noted, "The Artere are the makers of the finest ruins in all of Creation." Thus seems to be their lot. And yet, their magics are powerful, and they never seem to run out of their boundless quest for more and greater creations and innovations throughout the world.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Writing Journal: Deities and Races, Volume II; Nasci and the Changelings
Since I dedicated the first volume towards the first of the deities to act in the process of Creation, it seems that I should follow up with the second of the deities to act next. Nasci is an enigma in many ways. She is a fierce contender that there is no such thing as an Over-god, and yet also is one of the fiercest defenders of Creation in existence. She maintains a certain demeanor of alliance with Fyrste, as both take great stride towards defending and maintaining Creation. And yet amongst the deities themselves, Eleuth holds Nasci and her followers under great respect. In fact, amongst all of the workings and machinations of the Luthans to play at pranks and tear down the highest ideals of many great civilizations, the Luthans for the most part do not meddle in the affairs of the Changelings or their societies... where they have developed them, that is.
While Nasci is most associated with nature and the natural world, she was not actually the original creator of the plants, nor of the creatures that walk, swim, or burrow across the world. However, she has taken all of those creations into her heart, and defends their existence and Creation as if they were her own. To that degree, there is a great deal of contention regarding the creative energies of Nasci in the first place. She is set apart from her fellow deities in the sense that none of her acts upon Creation were themselves a new and unique creation in themselves. Instead, her acts were all modifications, separations, and the instillment of harmony upon those things that others had created themselves. In many cases, scholars contend that Nasci is therefore the least creative of the deities. Others, in the meantime, contend that Nasci bears the greatest creativity, for she was able to take even the most horrid examples of Creation, and find some form of beauty within them, and draw out that beauty in the world.
Thus was the case with Nasci's first act upon Creation. While Fyrst's act provoked shock, amazement, and anger from the rest of the deities, Nasci was unphased. She saw what was done, and saw something for her part to add to it. Thus did the formless, shapeless mass of the earth become separated into land, sea, air and fire. The four forces were relatively inert still, but they shifted and had interplay between them. It was a constant motion, and yet there was a harmony within that motion.
Up until that point, Scieppend had taken in with the rest of the deities who either didn't know what to think of this new Creation, or that it was an erronious failure. It was within the moment of Nasci's separation of the earth into the four elemental forces, and the harmony of their interplay was witnessed, that Scieppend saw beauty and possibility in the world. And thus, life and the natural world was borne out of Scieppend's contribution to it. And thus has Scieppend's name been generated from "creator" for although she had not been one of the first to act, she had been the first to generate life.
Again, though, I am drifting off-track. For this journal is about Nasci, and not Scieppend. One would wonder, however, why Nasci, who had not been a part of creating life or the plants of the world, nor was she the creator of the animals or other creatures of the world, that she would be born of the name originating from "nature." The reason is because she had taken the first hand in claiming all that there was of it. For when Malitia acted next, spitefully attempting to prove how disastrous this Creation was by creating creatures that burrowed into the ground to dig grooves within it, creatures that fed upon the plants and the mushrooms that grew upon it, and others that consumed the plants and growth within the seas, it was Nasci who saw beauty within them, and blessed them again with harmony. Whatever was consumed, found its way back into the land to feed the plants again.
And again, when Weyveren created diseases, parasites, and still more creatures that fed upon the other creatures that walked upon the land, Nasci was the one who again intervened and found beauty and harmony within their creations. The same was true when Koshiri created the creatures of the sky, who ruled over all from the high places, dropping down to strike terror in those who dwelt below them. Thus a wonderful chain of a natural cycle was formed between the bare nutrients of the earth, the plants and fungus that fed upon them, the creatures who fed upon those plants and fungus, and even those creatures who preyed upon the rest. All of it was made beautiful and harmonious by the intervention of Nasci. And thus do some contend that Nasci's powers have been borne of the greatest creativity, for even in the acts of attempted destruction at the hands of Malithia, Koshiri, and Weyveren, Nasci found beauty and harmony, transforming their terribleness into something that was instead awe-inspiring.
When the mortal races were being born, it is difficult to say when Nasci had acted. While the Bergan were borne to defend Creation against that which would threaten and overthrow it, the Changelings became defenders of a different sort altogether. Changelings' forms all vary, and as their name implies, many of them have developed means to change their forms at a whim, as well. All of them, however, bear striking connections to the natural world around them. Many have wings like the birds in the sky, others have claws, fangs, or talons. Most of their forms combine a sense of the bestial with that which is humanoid. Thus do each have a constant reminder of the beauty that is within the natural world, for they share that same beauty within their own forms.
The magic of the Changelings is drawn directly from the natural world itself. They utilize the power of the four elemental forces that Nasci had initially separated the world between. But beyond that, they also bear a strong bond with the living creatures that are bound to the world itself. Thus do their magics affect plants, and take form around the beasts and birds.
Changelings have little use or utilization of civilization and the wonders contained therein. Scieppend was the patron of those things, and even the Bergan maintain hierarchical order within their communities. Changelings are more disorganized, some of them working alone, others taking either pack or tribal structures, but rarely are there Changeling communities that develop any larger than a singular village. There is great oral history and storytelling amongst the Changelings, with those in full capability of their form-changing powers providing the most amazement in their stories. Art and history amongst the Changelings are lessons in beauty, harmony, and above all else, survival.
Changelings revere life. They celebrate it regularly. And they defend it fiercely. While they do not organize into massive military campaigns such as the Bergan do, small packs of Changelings have been known to harass even armies with tactics that have made many a military force pack up and move away from a heavily forested area, or another resource revered for its ecological wonders. Thus do the Changelings serve their patron goddess. With reverence, love, and fierce loyalty as the adopted mother of all of the natural world.
While Nasci is most associated with nature and the natural world, she was not actually the original creator of the plants, nor of the creatures that walk, swim, or burrow across the world. However, she has taken all of those creations into her heart, and defends their existence and Creation as if they were her own. To that degree, there is a great deal of contention regarding the creative energies of Nasci in the first place. She is set apart from her fellow deities in the sense that none of her acts upon Creation were themselves a new and unique creation in themselves. Instead, her acts were all modifications, separations, and the instillment of harmony upon those things that others had created themselves. In many cases, scholars contend that Nasci is therefore the least creative of the deities. Others, in the meantime, contend that Nasci bears the greatest creativity, for she was able to take even the most horrid examples of Creation, and find some form of beauty within them, and draw out that beauty in the world.
Thus was the case with Nasci's first act upon Creation. While Fyrst's act provoked shock, amazement, and anger from the rest of the deities, Nasci was unphased. She saw what was done, and saw something for her part to add to it. Thus did the formless, shapeless mass of the earth become separated into land, sea, air and fire. The four forces were relatively inert still, but they shifted and had interplay between them. It was a constant motion, and yet there was a harmony within that motion.
Up until that point, Scieppend had taken in with the rest of the deities who either didn't know what to think of this new Creation, or that it was an erronious failure. It was within the moment of Nasci's separation of the earth into the four elemental forces, and the harmony of their interplay was witnessed, that Scieppend saw beauty and possibility in the world. And thus, life and the natural world was borne out of Scieppend's contribution to it. And thus has Scieppend's name been generated from "creator" for although she had not been one of the first to act, she had been the first to generate life.
Again, though, I am drifting off-track. For this journal is about Nasci, and not Scieppend. One would wonder, however, why Nasci, who had not been a part of creating life or the plants of the world, nor was she the creator of the animals or other creatures of the world, that she would be born of the name originating from "nature." The reason is because she had taken the first hand in claiming all that there was of it. For when Malitia acted next, spitefully attempting to prove how disastrous this Creation was by creating creatures that burrowed into the ground to dig grooves within it, creatures that fed upon the plants and the mushrooms that grew upon it, and others that consumed the plants and growth within the seas, it was Nasci who saw beauty within them, and blessed them again with harmony. Whatever was consumed, found its way back into the land to feed the plants again.
And again, when Weyveren created diseases, parasites, and still more creatures that fed upon the other creatures that walked upon the land, Nasci was the one who again intervened and found beauty and harmony within their creations. The same was true when Koshiri created the creatures of the sky, who ruled over all from the high places, dropping down to strike terror in those who dwelt below them. Thus a wonderful chain of a natural cycle was formed between the bare nutrients of the earth, the plants and fungus that fed upon them, the creatures who fed upon those plants and fungus, and even those creatures who preyed upon the rest. All of it was made beautiful and harmonious by the intervention of Nasci. And thus do some contend that Nasci's powers have been borne of the greatest creativity, for even in the acts of attempted destruction at the hands of Malithia, Koshiri, and Weyveren, Nasci found beauty and harmony, transforming their terribleness into something that was instead awe-inspiring.
When the mortal races were being born, it is difficult to say when Nasci had acted. While the Bergan were borne to defend Creation against that which would threaten and overthrow it, the Changelings became defenders of a different sort altogether. Changelings' forms all vary, and as their name implies, many of them have developed means to change their forms at a whim, as well. All of them, however, bear striking connections to the natural world around them. Many have wings like the birds in the sky, others have claws, fangs, or talons. Most of their forms combine a sense of the bestial with that which is humanoid. Thus do each have a constant reminder of the beauty that is within the natural world, for they share that same beauty within their own forms.
The magic of the Changelings is drawn directly from the natural world itself. They utilize the power of the four elemental forces that Nasci had initially separated the world between. But beyond that, they also bear a strong bond with the living creatures that are bound to the world itself. Thus do their magics affect plants, and take form around the beasts and birds.
Changelings have little use or utilization of civilization and the wonders contained therein. Scieppend was the patron of those things, and even the Bergan maintain hierarchical order within their communities. Changelings are more disorganized, some of them working alone, others taking either pack or tribal structures, but rarely are there Changeling communities that develop any larger than a singular village. There is great oral history and storytelling amongst the Changelings, with those in full capability of their form-changing powers providing the most amazement in their stories. Art and history amongst the Changelings are lessons in beauty, harmony, and above all else, survival.
Changelings revere life. They celebrate it regularly. And they defend it fiercely. While they do not organize into massive military campaigns such as the Bergan do, small packs of Changelings have been known to harass even armies with tactics that have made many a military force pack up and move away from a heavily forested area, or another resource revered for its ecological wonders. Thus do the Changelings serve their patron goddess. With reverence, love, and fierce loyalty as the adopted mother of all of the natural world.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Writing Journal: Deities and Races, Volume I; Fyrste and the Bergan
I was initially thinking that I would start with one of the evil races to detail out in my journal. However, in constructing names for both the races and the deities, and some of the history that I plan on developing within that sequence, it became clear that it would be most appropriate to first reveal the first-acting deity within the hand of creation, whose name I have identified with the very root of the word "First."
When the deities all came into being, they already had disagreements as to whence they came and what their purpose for existence might be. But they existed in a realm that was full of endless possibility. It then was the first act of one who believed that there was a prior Creator who had a plan for the universe and for the deity-beings themselves, who had the sureness that his own compunctions were part of a larger purpose, to be the first to act.
And thus, it was Fyrste who created the world itself. It was a vast expansive mass, but at that time it had little in the way of shape or differentiation. Some contend that the initial creation was a singular landmass, from whence Nasci had created the oceans. While others argue that because the world is so vastly composed of water, that Nasci's contribution was to raise the land out of the oceans. There is some evidence that the initial structure of the world was a fiery core, from whence the rest sprang forth. These arguments are semantic at best amongst those who argue, for the two main points are that Fyrste was the first to play his hand upon creation. And it was Nasci who divided out what have been known as the elemental forces in land, sea, air, and fire.
The contributions of Nasci will be discussed in another journal, however. For it was the initial contribution of Fyrste that will spell out what happened after that. Some of the other deities delighted in the initial act of creation made by Fyrste. Nasci, in particular, as being the next to act, may have believed that the self-assured belief that Fyrste acted according to the will of another nameless being was suspect, but delighted in the possibilities that could be made from such an act of creation, and played her own hand within it. The same was true of Scieppend, who took the next play of hand in the act.
By that time, Creation itself was fully underway. But those who were last to act, either because of slowness or a sense of uncertainty, or because they disagreed with the means of even Fyrste's initial creation of the world itself, felt a combination of jealousy, hurt, and had a sense of discontinuity of purpose. Fyrste had not consulted his fellow beings before he made his first act, but did so. And somehow, each knew that they could not undo what had been done.
Malithia, whose name I derived from the root of the word Spite, or Malice, in particular wanted to bring down the Creation that Fyrste had initiated. Malithia agreed with Fyrste on his conception of a grand deity, but believed that Fyrste's initial act had fallen short somehow, and thought it should have been done better, with proper planning having gone into it. And so, with the acts of Malithia, and her brooding brother Weyveren acting in ways that threatened the destruction of Creation, Fyrste and the other gods themselves became hurt. They had placed such value in their own acts, that the workings of Malithia and Weyveren seemed personal attacks against the value of their actions.
It was actually the final act by Apathos, who seemed to waver constantly, and seemed almost entirely disinterested, that had driven Fyrste's final rage which sprung the first humanoids into existence. Apathos, who hadn't seemed to have any interest in the acts of Creation at all, simply uttered the words "I wonder..." and dragons had sprung into being within the world. Dragons had taken the beautiful equilibrium of the world, and had thrown it off course. They ruled over the lands within which they dwelled, and they were sentient in ways that the beasts and creatures of the land could not achieve. Dragons were great and terrible, and wise, seemingly all at once. In many ways, Apathos's creation was greater than any of the rest, and yet it was also the most terrible.
Fyrste took the act as a further attempt at the destruction of the world, and yet he saw the beauty that came with the first sentient creatures. And thus, the Bergan were born. The Bergan are long-lived, sturdy, and highly militaristic. Their society is hierarchical, with very strict laws. Those who disobey are punished readily and harshly, though there never seems to be ill will against those who bear such punishments. It is simply the way toward the greater good.
There are some magics that are performed amongst the Bergan, and those magics are the result of precise, deliberate actions, enacted through exacting rituals, and within which all elements are controlled. There is no such thing as dabbling in magic amongst the Bergan, for it is a power that is to be respected, and thus practitioners of the Science are to be dedicated and specialized in what they do.
The Bergan, whose name originates from the roots of Protection, maintain some of the greatest marshal forces in the world. Their duty is to protect the world and all Creation from the forces that would see it thrown to waste. The Bergan recognize Fyrste as the original creator of the world, and they revere him. They also believe that the universe is heading toward an inevitable final confrontation, in which the forces of evil and destruction will finally be overthrown, and the course of Creation will take a final step toward perfection.
In the meantime, the Bergan believe themselves to be the stewards and protectors of Creation until that time at the end of days. They are stern and harsh in their manner, though one would not necessarily consider them joyless. Theirs is a philosophy of pragmatism. What serves the ultimate goal of preserving Creation and allowing the world to see the end of days must reside primarily within the thoughts and hearts of its people. Other things are distractions. The Bergan have a number of holidays and celebrations. All of which center around reminders of the beauty of that which has been Created, and therefore the reminders of why they live and die to protect such beauty and wonder. And thus do they stand in opposition to those forces that would seek to destroy the world or bring harm to any other portion of Creation.
I hope everyone is enjoying this exercise, and I certainly welcome feedback regarding the process or the writing itself. Please feel free to post comments, questions, or criticisms. I would appreciate hearing what people think.
When the deities all came into being, they already had disagreements as to whence they came and what their purpose for existence might be. But they existed in a realm that was full of endless possibility. It then was the first act of one who believed that there was a prior Creator who had a plan for the universe and for the deity-beings themselves, who had the sureness that his own compunctions were part of a larger purpose, to be the first to act.
And thus, it was Fyrste who created the world itself. It was a vast expansive mass, but at that time it had little in the way of shape or differentiation. Some contend that the initial creation was a singular landmass, from whence Nasci had created the oceans. While others argue that because the world is so vastly composed of water, that Nasci's contribution was to raise the land out of the oceans. There is some evidence that the initial structure of the world was a fiery core, from whence the rest sprang forth. These arguments are semantic at best amongst those who argue, for the two main points are that Fyrste was the first to play his hand upon creation. And it was Nasci who divided out what have been known as the elemental forces in land, sea, air, and fire.
The contributions of Nasci will be discussed in another journal, however. For it was the initial contribution of Fyrste that will spell out what happened after that. Some of the other deities delighted in the initial act of creation made by Fyrste. Nasci, in particular, as being the next to act, may have believed that the self-assured belief that Fyrste acted according to the will of another nameless being was suspect, but delighted in the possibilities that could be made from such an act of creation, and played her own hand within it. The same was true of Scieppend, who took the next play of hand in the act.
By that time, Creation itself was fully underway. But those who were last to act, either because of slowness or a sense of uncertainty, or because they disagreed with the means of even Fyrste's initial creation of the world itself, felt a combination of jealousy, hurt, and had a sense of discontinuity of purpose. Fyrste had not consulted his fellow beings before he made his first act, but did so. And somehow, each knew that they could not undo what had been done.
Malithia, whose name I derived from the root of the word Spite, or Malice, in particular wanted to bring down the Creation that Fyrste had initiated. Malithia agreed with Fyrste on his conception of a grand deity, but believed that Fyrste's initial act had fallen short somehow, and thought it should have been done better, with proper planning having gone into it. And so, with the acts of Malithia, and her brooding brother Weyveren acting in ways that threatened the destruction of Creation, Fyrste and the other gods themselves became hurt. They had placed such value in their own acts, that the workings of Malithia and Weyveren seemed personal attacks against the value of their actions.
It was actually the final act by Apathos, who seemed to waver constantly, and seemed almost entirely disinterested, that had driven Fyrste's final rage which sprung the first humanoids into existence. Apathos, who hadn't seemed to have any interest in the acts of Creation at all, simply uttered the words "I wonder..." and dragons had sprung into being within the world. Dragons had taken the beautiful equilibrium of the world, and had thrown it off course. They ruled over the lands within which they dwelled, and they were sentient in ways that the beasts and creatures of the land could not achieve. Dragons were great and terrible, and wise, seemingly all at once. In many ways, Apathos's creation was greater than any of the rest, and yet it was also the most terrible.
Fyrste took the act as a further attempt at the destruction of the world, and yet he saw the beauty that came with the first sentient creatures. And thus, the Bergan were born. The Bergan are long-lived, sturdy, and highly militaristic. Their society is hierarchical, with very strict laws. Those who disobey are punished readily and harshly, though there never seems to be ill will against those who bear such punishments. It is simply the way toward the greater good.
There are some magics that are performed amongst the Bergan, and those magics are the result of precise, deliberate actions, enacted through exacting rituals, and within which all elements are controlled. There is no such thing as dabbling in magic amongst the Bergan, for it is a power that is to be respected, and thus practitioners of the Science are to be dedicated and specialized in what they do.
The Bergan, whose name originates from the roots of Protection, maintain some of the greatest marshal forces in the world. Their duty is to protect the world and all Creation from the forces that would see it thrown to waste. The Bergan recognize Fyrste as the original creator of the world, and they revere him. They also believe that the universe is heading toward an inevitable final confrontation, in which the forces of evil and destruction will finally be overthrown, and the course of Creation will take a final step toward perfection.
In the meantime, the Bergan believe themselves to be the stewards and protectors of Creation until that time at the end of days. They are stern and harsh in their manner, though one would not necessarily consider them joyless. Theirs is a philosophy of pragmatism. What serves the ultimate goal of preserving Creation and allowing the world to see the end of days must reside primarily within the thoughts and hearts of its people. Other things are distractions. The Bergan have a number of holidays and celebrations. All of which center around reminders of the beauty of that which has been Created, and therefore the reminders of why they live and die to protect such beauty and wonder. And thus do they stand in opposition to those forces that would seek to destroy the world or bring harm to any other portion of Creation.
I hope everyone is enjoying this exercise, and I certainly welcome feedback regarding the process or the writing itself. Please feel free to post comments, questions, or criticisms. I would appreciate hearing what people think.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
The Project
Ok, so my blog has been stagnant for a while, but I've also not begun any of my writing project for years. So I think I'm going to do at least a temporary transformation of my blog into a journal of the progress as I'm going for my writing project.
The project is going to be in the realm of high fantasy. The initial concept that I had come up with, and this was years ago, was of a cosmos where a group of deity-like beings come into existence. Think of a polytheistic religion and the deities of that religion. Except they seem to just pop into existence out of nothing, and they themselves don't know of their origin. Many cosmologies that have been made before have a sort of Over-god, or singular initial creator. This one specifically may or may not. And part of what sparks the conflict within creation is the disagreement between these deity-beings regarding what the nature of their own existence and creation itself actually means.
There are other cosmologies within which either the Void or Chaos is the primordial reality, and then reality springs forth from it. It's basically the concept that in a non-existent universe, where everything is possible, reality springs forth as an actualized possibility. Again, I wanted to steer away from this directly, as well, and have the deities not really know.
Within a lot of fantasy, then, there is a deviation of moral standards based upon alignment-based tenets. Specifically, there are two axes upon which everyone functions primarily. Law vs Chaos, and Good vs Evil. But what is it that makes something Lawful versus Chaotic if everyone has various principles that they adhere to, to some degree? And what makes something Good versus Evil if there are no fundamentally-defined rules for existence?
The way I divided it up was that the axis for Law versus Chaos is entirely surrounded by the philosophy of the deities on whether or not there is the existence of an Over-god, or some sort of over-arching plan for the universe. Those who are Lawful, believe that there IS, in fact, a greater plan that either has been or must be set into motion. Those who are Chaotic, in the meantime, assert that there is no such Over-god or definitive plan, and creation is simply the result of the choices and actions of those who exist.
In the meantime, how I divided up Good versus Evil is an attitude towards Creation. It was the deity-beings who began the act of Creation, and they honestly didn't really know much of what they were doing until they already started doing it. And since one of the other major philosophical tenets that I'm going for with this universe, is the fact that no act that is done can ever be undone. The deities could not UN-create that which they have created. Destroying it is certainly an option, of course, which is where Evil comes into being, but even Destruction cannot cause something or someone to never have been in the first place. Those who are Good assert that Creation is good. And even if there may have been some experiments that didn't turn out as planned or intended, they are ultimately good and that they need to be preserved, protected and celebrated. Whereas Evil determines that a mistake must be erased and eliminated, Creation was a mistake, and therefore we need to do away with all of it in order to start fresh and get it right the next time around.
These are all the concepts that I've had floating around in my head for years now. What I began today is actually taking the time and fleshing all of this out. If there is one race that is going to be embodied by their particular deity's philosophy, and each philosophy is governed by a single deity, what will each of those deities' races look like?
I had the option to take the easy route and utilize pre-governed races that are commonly known throughout the realms of fantasy. Elves would be the prototypical Chaotic Good, while Dwarves fundamentally embody that which is Lawful Good. Orcs have always been the Chaotic Good, and you can readily call upon the existence of devils as a Lawful Evil force. But that would be using concepts that are already created and there. It wouldn't be creative enough, and furthermore, it would be a less perfect representation. All of those races have been built upon different rules from what I would conceive as the purpose for them. And so I've decided to pave my own way, and construct eight distinct races embodying each of the extremes of philosophy.
If you're as much of a dork as me, you probably asked yourself "Eight? But that diagram should have NINE. Geez, you're fucking it all up already." Well, like any good fantasy series, you always have to factor in humanity. Humanity is always the wild card, the keeper of destiny. It is always a human that unlocks the mysteries of the universe. Who has the potential to change the world. Humans are the key. And so Humanity takes the place of Whoopi Goldberg. Humans are the center square. Ok, sorry, I had to do it. :p
Thus far, I've got general ideas out for each of the nine races, and what exactly the governing of those races might be. For now, I am going to cut this blog short and let it be the overall scheme. The next eight or nine blogs, however, will be about each of the races individually. Stay tuned.
The project is going to be in the realm of high fantasy. The initial concept that I had come up with, and this was years ago, was of a cosmos where a group of deity-like beings come into existence. Think of a polytheistic religion and the deities of that religion. Except they seem to just pop into existence out of nothing, and they themselves don't know of their origin. Many cosmologies that have been made before have a sort of Over-god, or singular initial creator. This one specifically may or may not. And part of what sparks the conflict within creation is the disagreement between these deity-beings regarding what the nature of their own existence and creation itself actually means.
There are other cosmologies within which either the Void or Chaos is the primordial reality, and then reality springs forth from it. It's basically the concept that in a non-existent universe, where everything is possible, reality springs forth as an actualized possibility. Again, I wanted to steer away from this directly, as well, and have the deities not really know.
Within a lot of fantasy, then, there is a deviation of moral standards based upon alignment-based tenets. Specifically, there are two axes upon which everyone functions primarily. Law vs Chaos, and Good vs Evil. But what is it that makes something Lawful versus Chaotic if everyone has various principles that they adhere to, to some degree? And what makes something Good versus Evil if there are no fundamentally-defined rules for existence?
The way I divided it up was that the axis for Law versus Chaos is entirely surrounded by the philosophy of the deities on whether or not there is the existence of an Over-god, or some sort of over-arching plan for the universe. Those who are Lawful, believe that there IS, in fact, a greater plan that either has been or must be set into motion. Those who are Chaotic, in the meantime, assert that there is no such Over-god or definitive plan, and creation is simply the result of the choices and actions of those who exist.
In the meantime, how I divided up Good versus Evil is an attitude towards Creation. It was the deity-beings who began the act of Creation, and they honestly didn't really know much of what they were doing until they already started doing it. And since one of the other major philosophical tenets that I'm going for with this universe, is the fact that no act that is done can ever be undone. The deities could not UN-create that which they have created. Destroying it is certainly an option, of course, which is where Evil comes into being, but even Destruction cannot cause something or someone to never have been in the first place. Those who are Good assert that Creation is good. And even if there may have been some experiments that didn't turn out as planned or intended, they are ultimately good and that they need to be preserved, protected and celebrated. Whereas Evil determines that a mistake must be erased and eliminated, Creation was a mistake, and therefore we need to do away with all of it in order to start fresh and get it right the next time around.
These are all the concepts that I've had floating around in my head for years now. What I began today is actually taking the time and fleshing all of this out. If there is one race that is going to be embodied by their particular deity's philosophy, and each philosophy is governed by a single deity, what will each of those deities' races look like?
I had the option to take the easy route and utilize pre-governed races that are commonly known throughout the realms of fantasy. Elves would be the prototypical Chaotic Good, while Dwarves fundamentally embody that which is Lawful Good. Orcs have always been the Chaotic Good, and you can readily call upon the existence of devils as a Lawful Evil force. But that would be using concepts that are already created and there. It wouldn't be creative enough, and furthermore, it would be a less perfect representation. All of those races have been built upon different rules from what I would conceive as the purpose for them. And so I've decided to pave my own way, and construct eight distinct races embodying each of the extremes of philosophy.
If you're as much of a dork as me, you probably asked yourself "Eight? But that diagram should have NINE. Geez, you're fucking it all up already." Well, like any good fantasy series, you always have to factor in humanity. Humanity is always the wild card, the keeper of destiny. It is always a human that unlocks the mysteries of the universe. Who has the potential to change the world. Humans are the key. And so Humanity takes the place of Whoopi Goldberg. Humans are the center square. Ok, sorry, I had to do it. :p
Thus far, I've got general ideas out for each of the nine races, and what exactly the governing of those races might be. For now, I am going to cut this blog short and let it be the overall scheme. The next eight or nine blogs, however, will be about each of the races individually. Stay tuned.
Friday, March 12, 2010
Reminder
This is a quick reminder to myself that, yes, I still have a blog, and that yes, I REALLY need to update it again...
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Unfamiliarity
Wow... it's been a while since I've updated this last again... hmmm, I'll have to post much more often.
This one is more intellectual than most of my posts, as it's more of a stream of consciousness piece, or at least some prose, possibly even the basic work of an essay that I'd likely never finish, but I was thrilled to feel it come upon me...
I was sitting around at a friend's, and this kind of came upon me, which was really nice because it's not very often that I feel particularly inspired to write, and even less frequently that I have the tools at my disposal to put my thoughts down. So this was very refreshing, and my thanks to Jaime for allowing the stars to align in this particular way.
When it comes to thought and emotion, it's pretty much established that we are all on a journey. What I've found, though, is that in some ways we can readily revisit a place along the journey that we've been before. Not literally or physically, as we can't see people we've lost or from whom we've been estranged, etc, but in the way of recalling how we felt at a very particular moment, and even going so far as to relive that moment in the feeling or feelings that were evoked from it. While the thought is initially fascinating, this seems to also be inherently dangerous when one considers many of the places that a lot of us have been in our lifetimes. For as those of us who, like myself, have crawled our way up from the fetid pits and craters within our own souls, can become greatly happy and together, we still have the possibility and the tendency to revisit those dark and lowly places.
This also becomes true based upon numerous trigger factors that remind us of those times and moments. Tokens and remembrances can have powerful impacts upon our psyches. Some of the things that visit us inside our heads are sometimes, therefore, potentially dangerous pieces, for they can act as fetters for our psychological well-being. It then, therefore, becomes somewhat necessary for us to have triggers that also take us OUT of our heads. Escapism, therefore, is not just a method of, as the name implies, escape, but instead an expedient method for us to press an internal "reset" button in our own psyches: a means to take us back out of those fetid pits and craters and bring us back to the peaks and valleys in which our current states are more developmentally suited.
(this next part actually came a little bit later, after further thought and consideration, but is still inherently related)
If the ability to revisit places in our emotional progression over time is based upon the conceptual ingraining of patterns of thought and feeling into the psychic foundations of our thought, then this is evidence of a need for the unfamiliar. This unfamiliarity is precisely what provides the escape, or reset, that we need. This is also because of the fact that, being unfamiliar, there is no past pre-set or default condition or pattern for our psyches to revert to in their experience. Being new and unfamiliar, we can only experience them in our current state, whereas familiarity bears the possibility of allowing our mental state to take the easy way out and take a path or revert to a state that it has already followed before.
This one is more intellectual than most of my posts, as it's more of a stream of consciousness piece, or at least some prose, possibly even the basic work of an essay that I'd likely never finish, but I was thrilled to feel it come upon me...
I was sitting around at a friend's, and this kind of came upon me, which was really nice because it's not very often that I feel particularly inspired to write, and even less frequently that I have the tools at my disposal to put my thoughts down. So this was very refreshing, and my thanks to Jaime for allowing the stars to align in this particular way.
When it comes to thought and emotion, it's pretty much established that we are all on a journey. What I've found, though, is that in some ways we can readily revisit a place along the journey that we've been before. Not literally or physically, as we can't see people we've lost or from whom we've been estranged, etc, but in the way of recalling how we felt at a very particular moment, and even going so far as to relive that moment in the feeling or feelings that were evoked from it. While the thought is initially fascinating, this seems to also be inherently dangerous when one considers many of the places that a lot of us have been in our lifetimes. For as those of us who, like myself, have crawled our way up from the fetid pits and craters within our own souls, can become greatly happy and together, we still have the possibility and the tendency to revisit those dark and lowly places.
This also becomes true based upon numerous trigger factors that remind us of those times and moments. Tokens and remembrances can have powerful impacts upon our psyches. Some of the things that visit us inside our heads are sometimes, therefore, potentially dangerous pieces, for they can act as fetters for our psychological well-being. It then, therefore, becomes somewhat necessary for us to have triggers that also take us OUT of our heads. Escapism, therefore, is not just a method of, as the name implies, escape, but instead an expedient method for us to press an internal "reset" button in our own psyches: a means to take us back out of those fetid pits and craters and bring us back to the peaks and valleys in which our current states are more developmentally suited.
(this next part actually came a little bit later, after further thought and consideration, but is still inherently related)
If the ability to revisit places in our emotional progression over time is based upon the conceptual ingraining of patterns of thought and feeling into the psychic foundations of our thought, then this is evidence of a need for the unfamiliar. This unfamiliarity is precisely what provides the escape, or reset, that we need. This is also because of the fact that, being unfamiliar, there is no past pre-set or default condition or pattern for our psyches to revert to in their experience. Being new and unfamiliar, we can only experience them in our current state, whereas familiarity bears the possibility of allowing our mental state to take the easy way out and take a path or revert to a state that it has already followed before.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
A Final Farewell
It's been a long time since I've last blogged. Unfortunately, a lot of what I've been wanting to post, I haven't for fear that it would be violating one person or another's privacy, or that somebody might or might not get their feelings hurt.
At this point, it's either say it and possibly hurt people and hope they understand, or don't post anything. And I suppose it's just about posting it.
The reason why I want to share this, is because it marks a very big landmark for me. I admit that I probably should have gotten to this place about 2 years ago, but I was holding on for far too long. And this was the last e-mail that I sent to Ray, kind of marking my final sense of closure regarding our relationship.
This was also a landmark because, despite the fact that it was a direct 1-on-1, it was also the marking of me gaining closure on several other items. And also the thing that triggered me to finally say something to Julie about my sense of wanting something different with regard to our living situation... not entirely certain yet what it is, but at least we've begun dialogue about what is or is not working, how we may be able to solve it, and at the very least getting over the sense of dread that perhaps, if I *did* express some degree of dissatisfaction, that there might have been a very different, negative reaction in response to it.
It's very good to know that I was able to express needing something else, and have somebody say "I am upset that this is not working for you, but I don't want to prevent your happiness," to give a solid foundation to the fact that I can step forward and start spending some time and energy on myself, and find a way of making myself happy, without having to break down every relationship I've ever built to do it. Or without potentially harming my relationship with my children.
Below is the copied version of my last e-mail to Ray. After sending it, I sent him a text saying that I had sent this, and that I was then deleting his number out of my phone. That he was free to contact me if ever he wanted to, but otherwise I am not going to contact him again...
At this point, it's either say it and possibly hurt people and hope they understand, or don't post anything. And I suppose it's just about posting it.
The reason why I want to share this, is because it marks a very big landmark for me. I admit that I probably should have gotten to this place about 2 years ago, but I was holding on for far too long. And this was the last e-mail that I sent to Ray, kind of marking my final sense of closure regarding our relationship.
This was also a landmark because, despite the fact that it was a direct 1-on-1, it was also the marking of me gaining closure on several other items. And also the thing that triggered me to finally say something to Julie about my sense of wanting something different with regard to our living situation... not entirely certain yet what it is, but at least we've begun dialogue about what is or is not working, how we may be able to solve it, and at the very least getting over the sense of dread that perhaps, if I *did* express some degree of dissatisfaction, that there might have been a very different, negative reaction in response to it.
It's very good to know that I was able to express needing something else, and have somebody say "I am upset that this is not working for you, but I don't want to prevent your happiness," to give a solid foundation to the fact that I can step forward and start spending some time and energy on myself, and find a way of making myself happy, without having to break down every relationship I've ever built to do it. Or without potentially harming my relationship with my children.
Below is the copied version of my last e-mail to Ray. After sending it, I sent him a text saying that I had sent this, and that I was then deleting his number out of my phone. That he was free to contact me if ever he wanted to, but otherwise I am not going to contact him again...
"Sometimes life moves faster than our ability to process how we feel about it."
I think that sums up the majority of my adulthood, actually. I think that even the phrase "hindsight is 20/20" is partially just a symptom of the fact that we're constantly only just trying to make sense of what has already happened, and perhaps not yet catching up to what is happening right at the moment.
So I don't really know where I am right now, but I'm in a major turning point in my life. I'd been over you to some degree until the last major hurdle I'd gotten over, and suddenly I found that I had several regrets... and that my feelings for you had resurged a bit because of my recognition of those regrets. When I realized how much I was ok even whenever I felt lonely, towards the end of my relationship with Vic, I thought about the fact that I shouldn't want to be with somebody that I haven't fallen in love with for the sake of being with somebody. But more than that, I realized that I'm ok, regardless of anything.
I think I've come to start accepting myself better than I ever have before. And in so doing, I started to recognize the ways that I never did accept myself. We've said it before, but when I was with you, I was constantly trying to make myself as small as possible, to make myself fit into your life as it was. But more than that, I recognized that there were 2 things that I honestly have regretted since then. The first was the conversation that we had, where we both expressed concern that our relationship with each other would somehow damage your relationship with Steve. The second, which is related in my mind, was that whenever it became clear that Steve was never going to make room for me, I didn't fight for you, but instead I simply ran away. I left, because my assumption in both of those cases, was that you were always clearly better off with Steve than you were with me. And I made that choice for you, instead of recognizing that it was then, and
always has been, your choice, not mine, and not Steve's.
What I've been having a lack of closure on lately, and why I had that resurgence of feeling for you, which prompted a lot of the drunk texts, was to confront those regrets, and to put the choice back firmly in your hands. The choice is still, and will always be, yours to make.
The thing that I needed was to give that back to you. To let you know that the power that I took from you by leaving, is back in your hands. From your last text to me, it seems clear to me what your choice is. And I'm ok with that. In fact, I think that's good for me in a lot of ways. I've come to an interesting place in my own journey here... this is the first time that I really feel like I am getting absolute closure with regard to you. Not that I think that I'll somehow either never see you again or somehow renew some new and different sort of relationship with you, but because I feel like there's nothing more that I need to go through. This is it. The ability is yours to choose what type of relationship, if any at all, you want to have. Because I don't need to run anything more by you, or to wonder whether your last conversation was a subtle way of you trying to tell me something, or whether you are as resolved to the way things went as I have
been.
For the last several months, I've been trepidaciously considering having a confrontation with my mother about our relationship, with the possible conclusion of cutting her out. At the same time, at my last therapy appointment, I finally admitted my feelings of feeling trapped in my living situation and several of my thoughts regarding moving out and being more independant.
When Andy and Ben backed out of camping, I was initially really upset. In my opinion, they were my "stable" friends, the ones that I feel like I can rely on. They have been playing the role of my anchor. Just like you had for a while, within a different context. Things have also come to *a* conclusion (though not even necessarily *the* conclusion) with regard to Barry. And even now, after reconciling with Matt, I've also pretty much let go of him as being relatively superfluous to my life.
For the first time, I'm looking to the possibility of having a life that has absolutely no anchor at all. Of being fully and entirely on my own. And knowing that it's not because of the fact that I'm incapable of having somebody care about me, or because of other people's abandonment or anything of that sort, but almost like an opportunity. An opportunity to achieve something of my own, and to be completely dependant completely upon myself. That is very frightening in a lot of ways. At the same time, it also feels extremely freeing, because for the first time ever, I also know that I am not wondering whether or not I *CAN* do it or not. Because I know that I can.
In that sense, I don't even need to hold onto you any more. I don't have to think of you as a possible safety net or "what if" factor, that maybe... if things went south at home, then maybe somehow some fairy tale ending could still happen with you... But I don't need that, either. I don't need you to catch me if I fall. I don't even have to worry about falling or not. The universe doesn't have to provide to know that I'll figure something out, no matter what happens. My legs are strong, and I've grown so much, year after year, ever since I moved, that I've surpassed the need for requiring other people's validation, or support, or love. Sure, love is nice, and I certainly won't turn it down, ever. But neither am I going to be so afraid of doing without it.
I want you to know that I'm ok. With or without you, I'm really ok. And sure, I'll always treasure many of the memories I have of you. You have often said that you have always felt like it was your job to make everybody happy, and that you always seem to fail at it. Well, you hadn't. Some of the moments that we shared were amongst the happiest I had experienced. But I need to make myself happy now. And I hope that one day you'll start working on making yourself happy. Because I'm also letting go of that fairy tale hope that maybe one day I can be the one to make you happy. That, too, I am giving back to you. Your happiness is your own.
About a month ago, you looked into my eyes, and then you said that you still wanted to see if it was still there. It is, of course. But again, I'm letting go of the fairy tale dream that somehow things might change, and "it" being there will make all of the difference in the world. We live different lives. And I don't envy you yours. Nor do I lament mine. Despite the job I'm unhappy with, despite the debt, or my family problems, or my sense of being on my own, I still feel like I have a pretty good life. And it's not because of anything other than me. Because I'm the one who can still have pretty much any experience I want to. Even with my kids being what I would have considered my last anchor, the reality is that I can have a relationship with them no matter what I do. And maybe I'll have opportunities in another place entirely. There is nothing stopping me from touching down in another city or state, living the type of life that I want to
lead, and doing what comes naturally to me. Spending time with whoever feels welcoming to me. And perhaps even loving anyone that feels exciting to me. And I can do all of that, or none of it, all based upon my own choices.
I'm in a great place. But also a very scary one. And this time, I don't need to lean back on a sense that maybe, just maybe, things will work out. And not only with you, but for years I'd felt as if I was waiting for Ben, too. In many ways, it was my psychological safety net. But I don't need it. I'm ok, with or without Ben, and with or without you. I wish you the world. Because you've meant that much to me at times. This time, though, I need to give that world to myself. Because I've recently discovered somebody there that I've been taking far too much for granted, and discovering that he's a pretty amazing person himself. And in this chapter of my own story, I am looking forward to seeing what happens next...
Forever in my heart,
Brant
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
